Series: Confession and Delusion
Summary: To confess can sometimes be dangerous.

A/N: dedicated to MorierBlackleaf cause without her I doubt I would even be still writing drabbles hehe.

Confession

“You do know I love you? And that I have for as long as I can remember?”

The room was dead quiet except for his heavy breathing and his pounding heart.

It was ironic that he had finally gotten the courage to confess to this being that he had cared for eons and the elf said nothing.  The elf just stood there like a cold statue and his eyes sure could freeze a soul cold.  He didn’t know why he picked the day that he was leaving on one of his long missions but something inside had said that today was the day. So here he stood before his closet friend in the world and waited for him to say something.

The elf turned around and walked over to the door.  For a moment he thought his friend would leave without a word to even acknowledge what he said.  Perhaps it would have been merciful if the elf had done that but he never was lucky.

“Alas I do not care for you in this manner human nor do I even want too.” 

Cold blue eyes drilled into his and he could feel his heart shatter.  His friend had never said human in such a cold way before or looked at him with such contempt. A few tears slipped down his cheeks but he didn’t brush them away.  Or perhaps he couldn’t.   He could feel the huge chasm that had opened up between them in that moment and yet he couldn’t regret what had confessed.  It was better to confess now while he had the chance then to never know if the elf felt the same way.  And yet apart of him couldn’t help but want to scream out loud for his lost dreams.

So in the end all he could do was watch as his best friend in the world walked out of that door and his life forever.

#

Realization

The elf stormed off down the barely lit hallway and began to curse fluently.  How dare that filthy human confess something like that to him!  Him the Prince of Mirkwood!  Just because he and the human were friends didn’t give him a right to say that.  Oh wait or were they ex-friends now?  With just that thought he stopped stomping and sighed softly.  Raking a hand through his golden hair, he began to curse again but for a different reason.  How could he have said those cruel words to his best friend?  Even if he didn’t feel the same way about Estel, he should have let the human down more gently.  In fact the more he thought about it, the angrier he was but at himself. 

“Talking to yourself in the hallway at night might seem a bit bizarre to some Legolas.”

Legolas snapped his head up and glared at the dark haired elf standing in front of him.  He most of been so deep in thought that he hadn’t heard his friend walking down the hall.

“What do you want Erestor?”

“I was only asking you a question my prince. No need to get snappish.”

Legolas glared at the advisor for a moment and then smiled sheepishly.  “I am sorry Erestor but it has been a long night.”

“Do you wish to talk about it?”

A sad smile appeared on Legolas face.  “Sure.”

The two of them continued down the hallway and finally entered the advisor’s rooms.  Once they were settled in the chairs by the fireplace, Legolas tried to think of what to say without mentioning any names.  He didn’t want to get lectured on what he had done or to whom. 

“Just say what needs to be said my friend and the rest will surely come in time.”

Easy for him to say. He bet that the advisor rarely ever did something this stupid.

“What would you do if a friend said they loved you?”

“I would frankly be flattered.  It’s not everyday that someone would come up to me and say that.”  Erestor said teasingly.

“No no I mean,” Legolas gripped the armchair tightly.  “What if it was a male who said it to you?”

A warm hand cupped his cheek and Legolas looked up.  Erestor regarded the prince thoughtfully and smiled.

“In a situation like that you have to truly be honest with them and yourself.  The sex doesn’t matter to me Legolas only what is on the inside that counts.”

Legolas closed his eyes.  “What if you told them in an uncaring way that you didn’t care for them and broke there heart.  Then what do you do?”

“Find them and tell that person how sorry you are.  Confess how you truly feel and hope you are forgiven.”

“And if that doesn’t work?”

“Then at least you know you tried your best.”

#

Delusion

Clothes were strewn all around the room and across the bed.  In the middle of this chaos, stood Estel and he was gripping his saddlebags tightly.  Looking around the room once more in case he missed something, he turned and walked out the door. It was silent in the hallways and for that he was grateful.  He didn’t want his family to see the devastation on his face or the few tears that still slid down his cheeks.  In fact, he didn’t want to see anyone and prayed to the Valar he could escape here quickly.   Finally luck seemed to be on his side.  A few sentries lingered nearby but known inquired on what he was doing.  Entering the stables at last, he quickly found his mare and began the task of preparing her.

Thoughts flew through his mind and he grimaced.  A sob rose in his throat and he leaned against his horse.   How could he have been so delusional enough to think that such a creature could love him?  He was nothing but a filthy human from a line whose king had betrayed everyone for the cravings of the One Ring. In the end killed him, and destroyed all trust in humans and elves.

The more he thought about his situation the more he wished he hadn’t spoken of his love.

In all the years he had known Legolas, the elf had never showed anything but friendship towards him.  The tender hugs, the encouragement, and joyful laugh towards him had only been in friendship.  Although the elf hadn’t shown any feelings towards anyone now that he thought about it, but what did it matter.  A rueful chuckled escaped him and the mare snorted. 

Finishing quickly, he led her out the door and mounted.  For a moment he gazed up at his home and smiled. Luckily he had already told his family he was leaving for his mission in a few days so they wouldn’t worry.  They would think he had left early because he was restless and never know the real reason. He couldn’t stand to be here any longer when his heart was shattered and his friendship destroyed.  To see Legolas daily would be agonizing and he needed to time to recover; and hopefully repair his broken heart.   He knew he couldn’t linger much longer just in case someone in his family was awake. 

Turning his mare towards the gates, he looked over his shoulder one last time and said. “Goodbye Legolas.”

#

Denial

The room began to turn a pale yellow and chased the shadows away from the room.  Legolas leaned against the balcony and watched the sunrise.  It was going to be another glorious day in Rivendell and he couldn’t help but smile.  He needed to leave his room in a bit to go hunt down Estel and talk to him.  It had been quiet late last night when he had left Erestor’s room and he had decided to apologize today. A part of him knew he needed to build his courage for such an event and he let out a rueful chuckle.  He had stayed up quiet late thinking on all he had said and done.  In fact when he thought over his conversation with Erestor he couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

Erestor had later told him that he had thought that Legolas had come to confess his undying love for him.  Legolas had gaped at him like a beached fish and Erestor had laugh hysterically.   Not that Legolas could blame him when hadn’t mentioned any names and he had just said “What if someone said they loved you?”

The more he thought about it, the funnier the whole situation became.  He couldn’t wait to tell Estel what had happened and then the smile left his face.  Estel.  Turning from the balcony, he quickly walked across the room and opened his door.    He couldn’t delay any longer and the need to apologize became urgent.  The hallway seemed unending and he began to walk faster.  It seemed to take an eternity before he finally reached Estel’s room and he sighed in relief.  Raising a hand, he knocked firmly on the door and waited.  He couldn’t hear anything inside the room and tried knocking a few more times.  Still Estel didn’t answer and he grew uneasy.  He wondered if his friend was perhaps not in his room and decided to open the door.  Blue eyes opened wide in shock and he gasped.  The once semi-clean rooms were destroyed with clothes thrown everywhere. Legolas carefully walked into the chaos and looked around.  There was no sign of Estel and his bed didn’t look slept in.  That feeling of dread grew and turning around, he ran out of the room.  It took him a bit of running before he finally reached the study and he knocked loudly.

“Come in.”

Opening the door, Legolas all but tumbled into the room and gasped out, “Estel were is he?”

Lord Elrond regarded the prince in surprise and confusion. He had been sitting at his desk doing morning reports when the prince had burst into his study.  It must be urgent for the prince to forget his manners and station.

“He is not in his rooms?”

“No my lord.”

A thoughtful look appeared on Elrond’s face.  “Erestor?”

The advisor suddenly appeared from another doorway.  “Yes my lord?”

“Do you know were Estel is? Or has he left already?”

A surprise looked crossed Erestor’s face.  “Let me go check.”

Legolas wondered what Elrond meant about Estel leaving already?  Just where was the human going and why didn’t he know.  Before he could ask Erestor reappeared in the doorway and nodded.

“Yes my lord.  The sentries say that Estel left quiet late last night and hasn’t returned.”

“I see.”

“Well I don’t see at all.  Where did Estel go my lord and why?”

The two elves looked at each other before glancing back at the distraught prince.  Erestor walked over to the prince and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Didn’t you know Legolas?  Didn’t he tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

Erestor sighed and smiled sadly at the prince.  “That he as gone on a training mission with the Rangers and that he could be gone for years?”

Legolas closed his eyes in anguish.  “No he didn’t and why didn’t he say goodbye?”

“Because my son doesn’t like to say goodbye.  He hates them with a passion and perhaps that’s why.  Although I am surprised that he didn’t tell you this since you are his best friend.”

Guilt ate at him and he gripped his fist tightly.  Some best friend he turned out to be. Bitter denial rose up in Legolas and almost swallowed him whole.  Now he knew why his friend had told him about loving him.  It could be years before they saw each other again and who knew what could happen.  Estel could die during that training since there were dangers in the world beyond Rivendell or even suffer a worst fate. 

Opening his eyes, he smiled wanly.  “Thank you my lords for telling me.”

He bowed to the two lords and quickly left the room.  If he had looked back he would have seen the concern on there faces but he didn’t.  All he could think about was Estel and his horrible words spoken only last night.  Oh Estel why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?  More guilt ate at him and tear slid down his cheek.  He wished he had gone back to Estel’s rooms last night instead of his own. He wished he hadn’t been such a coward and faced up to what he had done.  And most of all he wished he had told Estel how sorry he was and told him he loved him as a friend.  Alas it was to late now and all he could do was hope that someday, he would have a chance to speak those words to his friend again.

#

The End