02 Oct 03

Title: An Unbearable Agony

Summary:  True love can be a precious thing and yet can be destroyed in a instance.  Will Legolas realize his mistake in time or loose Estel forever?

A/N:  Big time AU and doesn’t follow anything but my own thoughts.   Kind of angst and sappy to boot.

Warning:  Slight ahem slashy scenes but nothing out there since first time writing this much lol.

~~

Moonlight made the elf’s skin glow and turned his hair from gold to silver.  A gentle breeze blew the long hair back and silver-blue eyes glowed in the dark. 

“Please Legolas do not cast my feelings aside.”

The elf in question paused and then glanced back at his companion.  The boy stood a few feet away and had a pleading look in his silver eyes.  For a moment a twinge of regret filled Legolas’s heart but he cast it aside.  It was better to have a clean break now then to have to suffer the consequences later.

“No Estel I do not love you at all.”

The boy froze in place and couldn’t believe what he had heard.  Shaking his head in denial, Estel looked at the elf in disbelief.

“How can you say such things when a few days ago you told me that you loved me?”

He watched as the elf paused and look back at him.  Silver-blue eyes regarded him coldly and he shivered.  The elf took a few steps towards him and stopped.

“It was a mistake mortal.” Legolas hissed quietly.  “A mistake that I am rectifying right now.  Just because we slept together in the same bed and I whispered a few endearments doesn’t mean Im mela lle.”

The elf watched the boy’s eyes fill with tears and gazed at him dispassionately.  It had truly been a mistake to bed someone so young and he cursed himself.  The boy had seemed pretty experienced but he had discovered to late that he was an innocent.  He should have heeded his friends’ advice on the matter and left the young mortal alone.  The boy had captured his attention with his long brown hair and laughing silver eyes. It didn’t matter that the boy was the son of Lord Elrond or anyone else.  All that mattered was bedding the boy and marking him as his own.   Now he had to deal with the consequences and tidy up this mess.

Devastation ripped through Estel’s soul and he felt his heart break.  He had feelings for the elf from the first moment he saw him and they were introduced.  Legolas had seemed the most fun loving and interesting elf he had ever met.  His brothers had warned him about the other elf’s nature but he hadn’t heeded them. Legolas loved to sleep with anyone and never returned there feelings.  Once he got tired of his lovers he quickly dumped them and moved onto the next. Now he regretted not listening and wondered what to do.  Turning his back to the elf, he fisted his hands tightly and closed his eyes.

“So all it meant to you was sex?”

Legolas almost sighed in irritation and rolled his eyes.  He could hear the hurt in the boy’s voice but at that moment he didn’t care.  All he wanted to do was to get this over with and forget about it.

“Yes that’s all it was or will ever be.”

Estel’s face drained of all color and tears spilled from his eyes.  Taking a deep breath it took everything he had to even speak.

“So be it.”

The elf could hear the agony in the boy’s voice but before he could do anything Estel walked away.  Shrugging his shoulders, Legolas hoped that the matter was settled with Estel and yet he couldn’t help feel a twinge to his heart.

As soon as he was far enough away Estel broke into a run. Concerned elvish voices called to him but he did not heed them.  Escape was the only thing on his mind and he did not want anyone to see his pain.   He ran through the forest and miles away collapsed onto the ground.  Gripping his hands to his chest he let out a horrible wail and began to cry.

            Elladan cocked his head to the side and gazed around.  For the last hour he had been trying to find his little brother but to no avail.  He had searched just about all of Lothlorien and still couldn’t find the boy.  Estel had not returned to there Talan last night and his entire family was worried.  A few elves had commented on seeing Estel run away and he had been most distressed.  He wondered if something had happened between Estel and Legolas.  If it had he would have a nice little chat with Legolas and maybe leave a bruise or two if he hurt his little brother.

“No luck Elladan?”  Haldir said curiously.

Turning around he saw the captain of Lothlorien and shook his head.

“No Haldir so far I can’t find the boy.  I swear when Estel wants to disappear he can and no one can find him.”

Haldir nodded and gazed past Elladan. A boy was walking towards him and he looked sad.  Tear streaks were visible on the human’s face and his eyes were red.  The silver eyes were dull and appeared listless.  He felt a faint twinge of sadness for the boy and knew someone had broken his young heart.

“Perhaps that is who you speak of?”

The concerned tone made Elladan’s heart freeze for a moment and he turned around.  He saw the agony on his little brother’s face and cursed Legolas.  His friend should have known better then to mess with Estel and all had come to past.  Estel was heartbroken and he doubted Legolas cared in the least. 

“Yes that is my little gwador and I fear that Legolas strikes again.”

The March warden wasn’t too surprised to hear this or the bitterness in Elladan’s voice.  The young elf didn’t seem to care about anyone except himself. 

The young boy hesitated and glanced at the two elves.  His older brother was there and he hoped that he wouldn’t get a lecture.  Another elf stood next to Elladan and he nodded at Haldir.  The elf smiled back at him and Estel noticed that he had kind smile.

“I take it that things did not go well with Legolas, gwador?”  Elladan asked quietly.

Estel glanced back at his brother and flinched.  Rage shimmered in the grey eyes and he gulped.   His brother was none to pleased judging by his expression and only got this angry when someone in his family was hurt.  It was nice to know that his brother cared so much but what happened between him and Legolas was known of his business.

“No it did not.  And if you must know we came to an agreement and decided to end our relationship.”

“Relationship?”  Elladan shook his head in sorrow.  “It was more like a conquest on Legolas’s part and love on yours.  Why didn’t you heed my advice and not mess with that elf Estel?”

Estel knew that he shouldn’t have messed with the prince but couldn’t help himself.  The first time he had seen Legolas, he had known it was love at first site and nothing would change that.  Not the well meaning advice of family, friends, or even his brother.  In away he wished he had heeded that advice but it was to late now.  Haldir was regarding the two of the uncomfortably and Estel wanted to die.  A blush formed on the boy’s face and he glanced at the ground. It was embarrassing to be reprimanded in front of a stranger or anyone for that matter.  Why couldn’t Elladan have at least waited until they were alone?  Squaring his shoulders, he glared at his brother and watched the other elf blink in surprise.

“It was my choice and folly to make.  I loved Legolas on first sight Elladan.”  Estel felt his voice crack and he choked back the tears.  He smiled sadly at his brother and shook his head.  “And perhaps it was a mistake and I should have listened but by then it was much too late.”

“Oh Estel.”  Elladan whispered sadly.  Walking over to his brother, he pulled him into a tight hug.  “I am terribly sorry penneth for you loss and my hurtful words.”

Estel shook his head and held on tightly to Elladan.  He wanted to sob and let the pain go.  But he did not want to do it in front of Haldir and taking a deep breath stepped away.  Glancing at the Lorien elf, he half bowed to him and smiled gamely.

“Im hiraetha Haldir.  Forgive me for being so emotional in front of you and any discomfort we have caused you.”

Haldir shook his head and smiled back.  “Do not apologize, meldir.  It is understandable and all is forgiven.”

“I am going to return back to our Talan and rest a bit Elladan.  I will see you later.”  Estel glanced at his brother for a moment and turning around he walked away.

Elladan wanted to go after his brother and comfort him.  But he knew that he would not be welcomed at this moment and Estel needed the time alone.  Letting out a sigh, he raked a hand through his long black hair.  Coming to a decision, he decided it was time to seek out Legolas and have a little chat.

“Do you think it is wise to confront Legolas, Elladan?  If you do Estel will be most angered.”

“Yes he most definitely will but he will forgive me in time.”

Haldir watched as Elladan looked at him and smiled grimly.  Shaking his head, he wondered why he even tried to offer advice, when he knew that once Elladan’s mind was set nothing would stop him.

“Fine then I will accompany you and try to keep you out of trouble.”

~

The young elf beneath him moaned lowly as he nibbled down his neck and nipped lightly at his collarbone.  He slowly slid down the elf’s body and blew air on a pert brown nipple.  An indrawn breath, followed by a shiver rippled through the lithe body and he smiled in satisfaction.  Sitting up, he waited for the white haired elf’s eyes to open and let out a curse.  Instead of pale blue eyes, he saw silver eyes filled with love.  Standing up, he quickly began to gather his clothes and felt his lust leave him.  Of all times why did the young mortal haunt him now when had almost had his next conquest?

“Did I do something wrong Legolas?”

Closing his blue eyes for a moment, he turned around and smiled brightly at the other elf.  “No Neldëlond you did nothing wrong.  I just remembered something I have to speak with my father is all.”

Neldëlond looked at him doubtfully for a moment and then shrugged good-naturedly.   “Very well then but we can finish this later?”

Legolas smiled at the elf and leaning down kissed him softly on the lips.  “Yes much later.”

Standing up again, he turned around and left the Talan.  Angry thoughts filled his mind and he cursed a new.   Why was the mortal all of a sudden haunting him?  He had only been with the boy for a month or two.  That was highly unusual for him since his conquests only lasted for a few weeks.  No strings of attachments had been formed on his part to the boy and yet now he was being haunted.  Slowing to a stop, he turned and slammed his fist into a tree. 

“Now is that anyway to treat one of the Lorien trees?”  Elladan asked sarcastically.

Legolas straightened up and glared at the twin.  He noticed Haldir standing a few feet away and wanted to curse some more.  It looked like his day was going from bad to worse.  Judging by Elladan’s expression, he must have run across Estel sometime today and had come hunting for him.  It still didn’t explain what Haldir was doing here but that would probably be revealed in good time.

“Perhaps not and I will apologize as soon as you leave.”  Legolas replied just as sarcastically.  

Haldir rolled his eyes at the exchange and leaned against a tree.  He knew that from here on out it would probably get ugly but highly entertaining.  As long as the two of them didn’t kill each other then he would not interfere.

Elladan stalked over the prince and grasped him by his tunic.  Leaning closer, he glared down into the blue eyes.

“I will not leave until I beat you into a pulp for hurting my little gwador.”  he hissed angrily.

Legolas felt a twinge of remorse but ruthlessly suppressed it.  He could do as he pleased and Estel was just another conquest on his belt.  How dare this Noldor elf treat him in such a manner?  He was a prince and this little upstart better realize this right now.  Prying Elladan’s fingers from his tunic, he took a couple steps back and brushed down his clothes.

Leveling a glare at the twin, he smirked cockily at him.  “What was done is between me and Estel.  And it is none of your business what I do on my own spare time.”

Elladan laughed coldly and his grey eyes flashed with rage.  How dare this elf think he could do as he pleased with his brother no less.  Throwing caution to the wind, he stepped closer to the elf and shoved him.

“It is my business when someone hurts one of my family and my business when you mess with one of my own.”

Legolas stumbled back and glared angrily at the elf.  Anger was destroying his thinking and he said something he would later regret.

“You consider that adan one of your own?  Then the Noldor have truly fallen from grace.”

An intake of breath caught everyone’s attention and they turned around.  A few feet passed Haldir stood Estel and Elrohir.  Haldir cursed himself angrily for not realizing that anyone else was coming but the argument between them had been too loud to hear. 

Elrohir glanced at his little brother and wished he had never suggested this walk.  He had found Estel moping in his room and decided to drag him outside.  It had been a good idea at the time and his brother had seemed reluctant at first.  That had changed quickly once he had chatted about all the silly adventures he and Elladan had been through.  It had put a smile and Estel’s face and he had been in extremely happy mood.  Now though Estel had a look of devastation on his face and such heartache.

A terrible feeling of remorse swept through Legolas and he sighed.  It looked like his day had truly went to hell and he cursed once more.  Shrugging his shoulders, he turned and was about to walk away.

“Wait Legolas.”

He turned around and was surprised to see Estel standing so close to him.  The silver eyes were regarding him sadly and he was surprised to see how listless they were.  They no longer sparkled with the joy or glowed with curiousity.  His heart twinged again but he told it to take a hike. 

“What do you want Estel?”

“Did you mean what you said to Elladan?”

Looking at the boy in confusion, he wondered why he wanted to know.  The longer he looked into those silver eyes the more he wanted to say he didn’t. Somehow this mortal stirred something inside of him that he though long dead. Panic flashed in his blue eyes and he needed to get away

“Yes I meant every word.”

Pain flashed briefly in those silver orbs so fast that Legolas wondered if he had imagined it.  Taking a deep breath, Estel smiled wanly at him and touched his cheek.  Leaning forward, he placed a soft kiss on the elf’s warm lips and took a few steps back.  Estel placed one hand over his heart and bowed to the prince.

“Then Namaarie, A’mael”

Legolas could only watch in shock as Estel turned and walked away.  He could only stand there and watch as the twins followed after him.  And he could only watch as something precious slipped from his fingers and was broken.

~

            Estel clenched his fist in anger and pain.  He waited until they were far enough away before turning to face the twins.  Elladan had such a guilty look on his face that it almost cooled his anger. 

“How could you do it Elladan?  How could you humiliate me so?”

Elladan frowned for a moment and let out a sigh.  “Im hiraetha Estel.  All I could see was that you were in pain and Legolas was the cause of it.  I just had to do something and didn’t think.”

“I truly do understand why you did it but you had no right!”  Estel replied angrily.  “My affairs are my own gwador!”

Before Elladan could retort, Elrohir place a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.  He understood why his twin had done it and perhaps he would have as well.  Still Estel was right and Elladan shouldn’t have interfered.  The look he gave his twin told him that they would speak later.  Walking over to Estel, he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and looked into the angry silver eyes.

“What Elladan did was wrong Estel and I understand your anger.  It’s just that we truly do not like to see you hurt in such a manner not if we can prevent it.  You would have done the same for us if you were in our positions right?”

“Yes I would have but I doubt there would have been any talk.”  Estel replied humoursly.  He was still a bit upset with Elladan but eventually he would forgive him.

Elrohir grinned and linked his arm through Estel’s.  “Now come let’s go back to our Talan and show Ada that you are alright.”

A feeling of intense pain swept through the golden prince and with a cry he fell to his knees.    Long fingers threaded through his hair and he shook his head in denial.  It couldn’t be love could it?  Something like this could not happen once more right?  The longer he thought about it the more he wondered if this was why he felt so devastated.

“Will you truly let something so precious slip away?”

Legolas blinked and looked at the March warden.  He had thought he was alone and that was the only reason he had let down his guard.  Standing up, he swiped at his blue eyes and glared at the elf.

“What business is it of yours if I do?”

Haldir rolled his eyes in exasperation and wanted to smack the prince.  How someone could be so old and yet so stupid was beyond him.   Walking up to the prince, he did slap him and watched the blue eyes widened in shock.

“If you truly had to ask that question then you truly are a penneth.”

Legolas was about to reply, when Haldir clamped a hand over his mouth.  Leaning closer to the irate elf, he smiled mockingly at him.  “A little piece of advice penneth do not let something so precious disappear from your life or you will regret it.  A love like this if you are lucky will only come once in a lifetime.”

Removing his hand, he gave the prince a mocking bow and turning around Haldir left.  Legolas glared after the elf and took a deep breath.  Haldir’s words had struck a nerve and wanted to throttle the other elf.  A sense of doubt reared its ugly head and he wondered if the elf was right? 

            It was quiet throughout Lothlorien and the perfect time to take a walk.  Estel wandered aimlessly through the forest and looked around.  The trees were beautiful in the moonlight and he could hear there singing.  Only a bit of elvish blood existed in his veins and allowed him to be able to do this.  Estel was glad for there singing was beautiful and helped ease his weary heart.  He had left his Talan over an hour ago to escape his family smothering attention and to be alone with his thoughts.  They had been extremely worried about him lately and with good reason. Food did not hold any appeal to him and his sleep was haunted.   He knew what was happening but would not tell them.   Perhaps it was better this way since his hope and dreams had been shattered beyond repair.  Stopping next to an ancient tree, he sat down and let out a tired sigh.

“Do not grieve so penneth, soon everything will be well.”

A warm light encompassed his beings and he looked up at the lady before him.  She glowed gently and a warm smile lit up her face.

“I wish I still had hope grandmother but all of it has faded.”  Estel whispered tiredly.

Galadriel kneeled beside Estel and lightly touched his face.  “The one you love will realize his folly but only after something drastic has happened.”

Estel could only smile at her and shrugged.  “Even if he does it will be too late.  I do not know how much more time I have left to wait.”

Galadriel leaned forward and kissed him gently on the forehead.  “Then all hope will be lost and he will regret it for the rest of his immortal days.”

Puzzlement flashed in the silver eyes but soon gave way to sadness.  Standing up, Estel smiled at his grandmother.  “Will you tell my family I love them?”

“Yes I will Estel.  May the grace of Ilúvatar always be with you.”

Galadriel watched as Estel slowly walked away and let out a sigh.  She truly hoped that Legolas would realize the mistake his making or not just he would suffer but all of Arda would as well.

            The two elves kissed passionately in the clearing and the moonlight set them a glow.  Warm lips descended on a pert nipple and the golden hair elf moaned.  He began to squirm in his partner’s embrace as the elf kissed down his naked chest and stopped at his belly button.

“Do you want me to go further Legolas?” Neldëlond purred.

Blinking dazed blue eyes opened, he looked down into the pale blue eyes and nodded.  He sighed quietly as he felt the ties of his breaches being unlaced and cool air hit his skin.  Glancing back up, he saw something silver flash in the moonlight and then heard something running away.  A feeling of dread hit him and he knew who had seen them.

Neldëlond froze and glanced off in the same direction.  “What was that Legolas?”

Legolas glanced back down at his partner and sighed.  “Nothing important meldir, nothing at all.”

~

The trees began to blur together and he could barely see through his tears.  It was getting harder to breath and he began to pant.  Soon it was just too much and with a cry he tripped over his own feet and fell to the forest floor.  Digging his hands into the soil, he began to sob uncontrollably and brokenly.  It was just too much for him to bare any more and his heart could not stand it any longer.  Rolling over onto his back, he looked up passed the leafy branches and beyond to the stars.  A sad song drifted through his mind and he began to sing.  Of a love so great that he would have sacrificed everything for it.  Dreams of being with his love throughout eternity and beyond.  And finally of a love that had been shattered to far too ever be repaired.  He could hear the trees singing with him and smiled sadly.  An unbearable agony began to surround his heart and he screamed.   Images of those he cared for flashed through his mind and the last thought he had was of Legolas.

A terrible mourning swept through out Lorien and awoke every elf.  Freezing in Neldëlond embrace, Legolas glanced down at the white haired elf before tearing himself from his grasp.

“Legolas what is it?  Why do the trees mourn so?”

Ignoring the other elf, Legolas quickly dressed and dashed into the forest.  The trees whispered of hope dying and broken beyond repair.  Anguish echoed throughout Lorien and the trees begged the wood elf to hurry.  Legolas had a horrible feeling it was Estel and began to run faster.  Following the trees cries, he finally found the boy and let a cry of pain.  He collapsed next to him and gently touched his face.  Estel was paler then normal and barely breathed.  Tear streaks marked his face and Legolas’s heart clenched in pain.  He finally realized what he had done and all the pain he had caused.  The only reason he had pushed Estel away was because he was afraid to fall in love again.  It had nothing to do with him being an adan and everything to do with himself.  Pulling Estel into his arms, he gazed down at the boy and began to cry.

“Oh Estel A’mael, Im hiraetha.  I did not mean to hurt you so much or push you away.  I was just to terrified to ever feel this way again and so took it out on you.  I finally see my folly but now it is forever too late.”

“Do you truly mean that Legolas?  Would you sacrifice all to save him?”

Galadriel stood a few feet away and was regarding him sadly.  Legolas glanced down at Estel and could feel him fading.  If this beautiful soul left him then he would surely follow him into death.

“I would sacrifice my immortality if I could just have one more moment to tell him Im mela lle, my lady.”

“Then you shall have this one chance.”  Galadriel replied serenely.   “And Legolas you must use it wisely.”

A glow encompassed the lady of light and soon the entire clearing.  Legolas watched as it surround Estel and finally him as well.  Grasping his beloved closer to him, he felt everything slip away and fainted. 

Celeborn stepped out of the shadows and next to his wife.  He glanced down at the young ones and then his wife.

“Do you think he will succeed A’mael?”

“I truly do Celeborn or else all will fall into shadow.”

            The white light faded away and Legolas opened his eyes.   He was standing on a sandy beach and the ocean waves crashed to his left.  Looking around, he began to panic because Estel was nowhere in sight.  All he could see was sand and ocean.  Sprinting down the beach, he began to frantically call Estel’s name but know one answered.  A cry of a gull caught his attention and he glanced up into clear blue sky.  When he looked back down again, he almost cried in relief.  A few feet away stood Estel and the mortal was regarding him sadly.  The boy was dressed in all white and he was almost transparent. 

“Why have you come, Legolas?” 

“Because I did not want to loose you.” 

Estel looked at him fearfully and began to take a few steps back.  A path appeared behind him and Legolas could see shadows coming towards them.  Further along the path he could see a door was open and knew where they were.  This was between worlds and the path of the dead.  If he was figuring it right then behind those doors was Mandos’s Halls and those shadows were coming for Estel.  Taking a few steps forward, he tried to grasp the boy but could not.

Estel smiled at him sadly.  “You have come to late Legolas because I am already lost to you.” 

“No!”  Legolas screamed in denial.  He fantastically tried to grasp Estel again but it was to no avail.  Letting out an anguish sob, he collapsed to the ground and began to cry.

The shadows began to become substances and two humans stood before them.  Legolas could only watch as Estel ran towards them and hugged them in delight.  He knew that these two were Gilraen and Arathorn, Estel’s human parents.  An ache centered around his heart and he knew that he had truly lost him.  Why would Estel want to come back to someone who had treated him cruelly so many times?  Haldir’s words came back to haunt him and he knew he had lost something precious.  He watched as the happy family began to walk down the path and his love out of his life.  The pain began to build and grasped his tunic over his heart.  More tears spilled down his cheeks and he bowed his head.

“Namaarie, A’mael I’ll love you forever.”  Legolas whispered brokenly.

Estel had been surprised to see Legolas here and fearful as well. What was the elf even doing here in the first place?   It had been down right shocking to hear Legolas say he was afraid of loosing him but he did not say he loved him.  And that’s what in the end made it too late for Legolas to have saved him from death.  He began to follow his parents and he could feel the light of Mandos.  It was so warm and welcoming.  He would have probably entered the gates if not for hearing Legolas’s last words to him.  A surprised gasp escaped him and he turned around.  The beautiful elf’s head was bowed and he could see his shoulders trembling.  Another sob ripped though the elf and he watched as he began to fade.  Perhaps he had been imagining things and Legolas had not said them.  He was about to turn around again when Legolas looked at him once more.  Heartache shown in those blue eyes and Estel hesitated.

Legolas was surprised to see that Estel had not left yet.  He could feel himself fading away and had to make sure his beloved heard his words once more before they were separated forever.  Standing up, he clasped one hand over his heart and smiled tearfully.  “Im mela lle Estel.”  Legolas said softly.  “I will love you until the day I die.”

Hearing those words made Estel freeze and he could only look at the elf helplessly.  Legolas had finally said the words he had wanted to hear but he didn’t know what to do.

“Go to him my son, before it is too late.”  Gilraen said warmly.

Arathorn nodded.  “Yes you know in your heart that he really means those words this time or else why would he have come here?” 

Estel looked back at his parents with love and then turning around raced down the path.  He launched himself at Legolas and could feel the elf stagger back.  Looking up into confused blue eyes, he smiled brilliantly up at the elf.

“Im mela lle Legolas forever.”

Encircling the elf’s neck, he gently kissed him and felt Legolas tremble against him.  There were still many things that they needed to sort out but that could wait.  He finally had his beloved in his arms and the love he had always wanted.

            Galadriel smiled happily as a pale light encircled the lovers and became one.  She knew at that moment that Legolas had succeeded and brought Estel back.

“Are they alright grandmother?”  Elladan asked worriedly.

Glancing at her family, she nodded.  “Yes everything will be fine between them from now on.  Your gwador has finally succeeded in capturing Legolas’s heart.”

~

            Sunlight streamed through the window and bathed the two on the bed in its light.  The golden haired elf stirred slightly and tightened his hold on his beloved.  Blinking sleepily, Legolas gazed down at Estel and smiled.  The boy was half sprawled across him and had his head resting on his chest.   It was a lovely way to wake up and made him feel warm inside.  Stroking a hand down Estel’s back, he nudged the mortal and heard a moan of protest.

“Come now meleth, its time to wake up.”

Estel encircled his arms tighter around the elf and shook his head.  “No want to sleep some more.  Too early to be awake.”

Legolas let out a laugh and began to tickle the boy.  Estel began to shriek in laughter and rolled off the elf.  Glaring at his beloved, he sighed and shook his head mock-sadly.

“Ok I am awake.”

A bemused look appeared on Legolas’s face and he leaned forward.  Warm lips touched his own and the elf sighed softly.   Legolas wrapped his arms around Estel and pulled him closer.  The two of them kissed for a time before having to stop for air.  Resting his head on Estel’s shoulder he closed his eyes and relaxed.

“So will you tell me now why you kept pushing me away now Legolas?”  he could feel the elf tense in his arms but tightened his grip.   Perhaps it was bad timing to ask this now but then when? Legolas had been avoided the subject for weeks and he needed to know the truth.  “I will not leave you A’mael but we cannot avoid that topic forever.”

Legolas forced himself to relax again and let out a sigh.  He knew they should have had there conversation after he had almost lost Estel but he was wary.  It was hard to talk about the past and especially a lost love.  Leaning back in the embrace, he gazed into compassionate silver eyes and smiled.  Perhaps it was time to let it out and finally let go.

“I had only reached my majority when I first met him.  Sindadôr was a beautiful elf with brown hair and green eyes.  Everyday I would see him was another glorious day for me but that soon changed.”

Hearing the melancholy in Legolas’s voice Estel kissed him gently on the forehead.  The elf blinked at him surprise but kissed him back.  Sadness entered his blue eyes and he looked at his hands.

“It was about a hundred years after my majority when I found out that he was married.”

“Married?”

Legolas looked at Estel and nodded.  “Yes Sindadôr had been married in Lorien but he had decided to journey to Mirkwood for a time and leave his wife behind.  It is rare for married elves to do this but not uncommon.  The only reason I found out was when she one day showed up and declared herself.”

“You must have been shocked and so hurt.”  Estel said sympathetically.

“Yes I was and when I confronted him he all but laughed.  He said that he had never loved me and I was only a quick lay.  When my ada found out he was furious and expelled the elf from Mirkwood. I thought I would die from a broken heart and the humiliation was hard to bare.” Legolas said sadly.

Estel hugged the elf closer to him and Legolas returned the gesture.  It still hurt what Sindadôr had done to him but the pain was slowly fading away.  And it was all thanks to Estel and his love for him.

“And that’s when you closed off your heart?”

“Yes I figured it was best to sleep around rather then love anyone at all. The more I followed that path the colder my heart became until I couldn’t feel any more.  And it would have continued that way if I had not met you.”

“Me?”  Estel let out a laugh.  “I did nothing but fall for you on the first day and say Im mela lle.”

“Yes and those words were my downfall.”  Legolas whispered into Estel’s ears.  “No matter what, you kept saying you loved me and finally I realized it was the truth.  And luckily in time or else I would have lost you.”

“I am glad you realized as well because I would have been so lonely without you.”  Estel whispered back.

The two of them pulled back and gazed into each other eyes.  Legolas smiled warmly at him love and leaned closer.

“Im mela lle.”

Estel eyes glowed a brilliant silver and he kissed the elf softly.  Legolas was truly glad that he found a love again that was truer then the first and that would last forever.  He could finally let go of the past and at last embrace this new love forever.

The End

Im mela lle – I love you

Namaarie, A’mael - farewell beloved

Im hiraetha - I am sorry

Penneth – young one

Gwador - brother

Adan – man

Talan – type of tree house

Ion nin – my son